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17 I’m in my thirties and I finally understand that the friendships I lost weren’t lost because I changed. They were lost because I stopped performing the version of me that made the relationship possible, and nobody told me that was what had been holding it together

Silicon Canals
Daniel Voss @ Silicon Canals 1 place · 04/16/2026 23:17 EDT

I’m in my thirties and I finally understand that the friendships I lost weren’t lost because I changed. They were lost because I stopped performing the version of me that made the relationship possible, and nobody told me that was what had been holding it together

The friendships that faded in my thirties didn't end because I grew apart from anyone. They ended because I stopped performing the agreeable, always-available version of myself that was holding them together, and the psychology of self-disclosure explains why that was always going to happen.

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