4 place 0

865 I spent most of my twenties believing that needing less than other people was a strength. It took a decade of watching people who actually asked for things get them to realize I hadn’t transcended need, I had just gotten so good at preemptive refusal that nobody ever had the chance to say yes

Silicon Canals
Tommy Baker @ Silicon Canals · 04/07/2026 01:38 EDT

I spent most of my twenties believing that needing less than other people was a strength. It took a decade of watching people who actually asked for things get them to realize I hadn’t transcended need, I had just gotten so good at preemptive refusal that nobody ever had the chance to say yes

Preemptive refusal looks like self-sufficiency, but it produces the same outcome as rejection: you end up without the thing you needed. The difference is, you never gave anyone the chance to say yes.

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