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861 The calmest person in your friend group is almost never calm. They’re performing a version of steady that they learned when being visibly distressed made things worse for everyone around them.

Silicon Canals
Christian Kelly @ Silicon Canals · 03/11/2026 22:03 EDT

The calmest person in your friend group is almost never calm. They’re performing a version of steady that they learned when being visibly distressed made things worse for everyone around them.

The friend everyone calls "grounded" or "unflappable" usually learned that skill under pressure — when showing distress as a child made things worse. What looks like natural composure is often a deeply practised performance with real psychological and physiological costs.

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